The Abyss

Do you think me pleased? Why should I be? How can I hide My wrath from thee? I cannot fit your meter My rhythm rules to-day. Your snub-nosed convention Is repugnant anyway. Why do I keep giving  These People a chance To realize they are performers In a malignant dance? I keep thinking they'll learn To stretch their narrow views Yet their ears are closed. What is the use? Do you really think Nothing matters in the end? Are my words meaningless? Wisdom dissolves in The Wind. And so ere it goes. From Age to Age. You'd think you'd learned your History Yet you can't even bear one Page.  So now off I go Once again to the underground. All of these fucking imbeciles Mindlessly prancing around. Annihilation is their guide. That's the nature of the Beast -  Listening to bloodthirsty maniacs They long for their feast. You think you possess The Eye of Eternity? You are blindfolded By your own merciless depravity! You take your aim Through the scope of the sniper. Merrily you go...

                                                                  I've dreamt of this day                    The day when I could say                                                              "To hell with it!" And, just do me!                            All bulwarks exploded                                                                             Whatever will b...

My heart is in my mouth Bittersweet and sickening  Head in fog and confused The suspense is deafening  Is it naive to hope? I close my eyes tight Don't give me bad news  I don't want to fight Perhaps I make it arduous To love me and only me I always say it's my fault  You're refusing to see You don't want to be alone You want to be enough Blind to your own beauty Insisting you're simply tough It isn't naive to hope Close your eyes tight Fall into my arms There's no need to fight Unclench your fists I'll unclench my teeth  Sync your breath to mine Refuse to sink underneath Ease my dying heart Let me fix my mistakes I'll ease your burning mind And annihilate all fakes Find once again: hope I see you in the darkness We can get out together  Towards blissful absurdness -NS

  Why do I become enraged? Why is happiness so far out of reach? Why can't I at least love myself? Why can't I appreciate my existence? Why am I tormented? Why do I ruin everything I love? Why does it feel foreign to be kind? Why do I avoid people or push them away? Where has all my energy gone? Where did joy escape to? Where can I find some strength? Where did all the time go? When is the last time I laughed? When will I stop faking contentment? When can I rest from this painful emptiness? When will I figure it out? How can I be so rude? How do others see me? How do I fix myself? How do I find refuge? I'm graceless. I'm unlovable. I'm repulsive. I'm fake. How I wish someone would just... Hold my face and assure me I am none of those things. I only want to be forgiven and understood. Perhaps I am too far gone to save. What has gone so terribly wrong in me  That I'm uncapable  Of steering my ship Through the changing tides? Why do I wreck it instead  And blam...

Muscles heavy on my face With no time to wallow On autopilot for now My eyes a sleepy hollow But you... You are electricity to my veins The shock that pulls me out Brain goes back online For now, free of doubt Because... You're the reason I feel brave To jump, to fly, to dream and soar You've given me many first times  Shown me what life can be for And I hope... I've shown you love that never gives up That we can always find a reason to laugh I will always be ready to fight by your side I swear, give me a damn polygraph! And I know... I can always find a reason to smile Even if you are not near me Not sure why I worry so much I try to breathe and just be Perhaps... All this is just too novel Freedom previously unknown But navigating it all with you It is possible we can truly be known -NS

This Path– I chose to take it earlier on. I tossed it all to the wayside. Everything I thought I knew– Whether inculcated into me Or projected by my assumptions– I shed it all. I didn’t know In gaining understanding  Of the world Peeling back emotion To interact  At face value That the shadow man I thought I was conquering Was still there In the end. That no matter  How much you think You have let  Him go He is you And you  Are he. That as One   Scales back assumptions To grow In  Understanding  One must also Scale back What Has been piling Up in the shadows All  These years. At some  Point It must all  Come out To pave the way For newness. This isn’t A  One and done Kind of  Thing. You don’t Just believe it  And let it be. No This is  The mystery Of Life and Death  Good and evil Opposites  In general. You may  Think you know But You never Really know  Until You  See. Everything. See eve...

Thoughts like rain Inundate the mind This blank page Effortlessly lined The carpenter crafts the table The hitter bats the ball Me? My thoughts burst Through every mental wall Some are quite good Others rather bad Some are the very best I've really ever had Some intrude Others are invited But once they begin The conflagration is ignited These old and fresh thoughts They come and they go Thoughts! These companions Evermore flow